Yes, the World Cup spirit has taken a firm hold on me and when Mark Morrison suggests that we go and have lunch in Newtown near the fan park I do not hesitate ... I'm in... but disappointment awaits...
Mark wants to take photographs for the Newtown project and I just want to soak in the 'gees' in a different area from Melville. But we are clearly too early. There's no game on ... no fans to photograph and no gees. So we sit down for lunch at a deserted Nikki's Oasis. I have a splendid burger and a beer.
We have a very able and friendly waitress whose name eludes me now, but I'm surprised that she does not know the darkie word for the Black Label beer brand namely 'zamalek'. Apparently this means 'something that does not give you a babelas' but I beg to differ.
I scold the waitress gently about her youthful ignorance and we stop about five passing darkies to do a survey in order for me to convince her of the veracity of my information and I am not disappointed ... they all agree that a Black Label is indeed a zamalek.
Mark is there on business and proves this by sending numerous SMSes while I enjoy Joburg's fantastic winter sunshine. But I do get bored and take a stroll through where people are setting up their fleamarket stalls where I buy myself ... a VUVUZELA in the colours of the South African flag of course ... but just think of it ... I buy myself a DAMN VUVUZELA. Good grief! What is happening to my mind ... I'm thinking.
So having done the deed I now have to blow on the damn thing. Not as easy as you may think ... I blow and I blow with getting a squeak out of the thing. I then take to just staring forlornly at it, wondering why I just spent R70 on something so utterly useless ... Mark mocks my inability ... and I am about to admit defeat when I notice the damn has got a small hole in it!
I go and exchange it and after a couple more tries I realise that one just has to relax the stomach muscles and VOILA! You too can produce the sound of a frustrated elephant bull with a priapism and an infection in his trunk.
I blew it so well that two different darkie photographers wanted to take photos of me and I let them. Then I got Mark to take a photo of us and then they wanted a photo of themselves with me on their own cameras and race relations in South Africa once again flourished. The revamped area around the world famous Market Theatre is really wort a visit.
Have the bacon end egg burger at Nikki's I can really recommend it at just R30. There is also Museum Africa to be investigated ... by you.
So that was my adventurous foray into Newtown and I regretted having to leave just as the first people began arriving. I had my French class to attend to. Okay it was not much of an adventure but I did leave Melville again for some other destination than Randburg and Jan's house in Parkwood.
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