A clearer view of Hazyview... and my parents

Fortunately my brother Abrie arrives by car to come and pick me up from the Kruger International which indeed received a major make-over from when I saw it last.

That time, if memory serves correctly, it consisted of a single, dirty pre-fab structure and a windsock wilting in the blazing heat along with the ten or so passengers eyeing the small twin prop aircraft that was due to transport them to Joburg with all the suspicion it deserved. I was there to drop off my girlfriend of the time and I silently feared for her life.

But now 60 odd passengers arrived in a four-engine jet plane from British Aerospace to be welcomed by an attractive thatched-roofed building and a direction board indicating "International Arrivals" and "Domestic Arrivals" in the same direction ... for a moment I fear that it would be the same entrance ... but no ... the internationals split off at some point ...

But then I think that if a domestic and international flight arrived at the same time there would really not be anything to stop the al Qeada operative from just walking in with the locals. I hope that the airport authorities have some kind of plan for such an eventuality ... but knowing the locals of the Slowveld I'm not going to bet any money on that.

Meanwhile I arrive home (chez les parents) armed with two bottles of wine and we have our normal familial conversations about nothing and then go to bed.

This morning I wake up to go for a leak in ... a beautiful garden ... resplendent ... even in winter ... with an astonishing array of bright colours. From the bright post office red of the poinsettias to British racing green with canary yellows to orange to auburn ... thrown in ... and much in between.

Then I realise that I have been giving Hazyview a raw deal. It is a beautiful place and it is the perfect base camp from which to visit:
Blyde River Canyon

• The Kruger National park
• God's Window
• The falls
• The Potholes ... no not the same ones you see on the roads ... for which the authorities seem to to think that putting up boards telling you to beware of them for the next 5km ... every 5km ... is a solution. My brother Abrie correctly points out they could save a lot of money by simply putting up one board saying: "Potholes for the next 7000km". This would be more cost effective. They could even do better by putting up signs outside every airport saying: "POTHOLES EVERYWHERE!"
• Elephant rides

In the morning my mother sits me down and complains ... she is lonely here ... all her friends are dead or departed ... that sounds strangely macabre ... let me put it differently ... all her friends are dead and gone ... that's not right either. OK, so here friends who are not dead all left the area and went to live in old age homes somewhere... and she wants to do the same. I mean go and live in an old age home...

My father and I disagree with her...

Why give up a luxurious environment, if somewhat financially constrained, for a small room in an old age home somewhere where it is cold and windy in the winter and warm and windy in the summer ... Cape Town ... and be more financially constrained?

My soon-to-be 80-year-old father is the general handyman for my very able sister-in-law Maretha... (Was that a bad case of hyphenitis or what? And don't say what).

So my mission of the day becomes to get them online so that my mother can chat to her offspring where-ever they may be.

First I explain the wonders of google and gmail to them ... Storing your shit in the 'cloud' and all that and having live video chats and all of that plus google docs as well as spreadsheets and the internet BEING the computer ...

Using my father's upcoming 80th birthday as fundraising motif I phone my brother Noddy and he agrees that the old folks must get connected and he pledges his financial support for the project ... as does Abrie.

The end result is that my parents will soon be talking to YOU online.

Reversing climate change with R149!

I bought a heater.

It was was the best thing I could do to combat climate change. I'm sitting on top of it, but at my knees are not cold.

It cost me R149 and I think it is the best investment I have made this year ... OK also the only capital expenditure ... but there you go. One must do one's best to stop climate change in its tracks and when faced with such an enormous calamity it is often best to start stopping the rot close to home. Sweep in front of your own door as it were.

So I reversed climate change with R149 ... but that was a temporary stoppage like the Dutch boy with his finger in the the dyke ... or is that dike ... either way that does not bear too much scrutiny... It sounds pornographic and after 12 hours of checking language I am in no mood to check my own.

The climate in my humble abode is just fine now... and ever conscious of my footprint I have only activated one bar of my 2-bar halogen heater from a company called Aim. The weather outside has also improved dramatically and can even be considered as normal for Joburg this time of the year. Crisp clear blue skies with the trees showing off their autumn colours ... quite pretty really. See what can happen if we take action against climate change.  

Meanwhile I learnt that it rained twice as much in Joburg so far this year as it does on average, No wonder my towels are all a bit sour.

On that subject ... many years ago my brother Noddy told me how he went to the gym and having forgotten his own towel he borrowed one from a colleague ... only to find it a bit sour ... in his own words he explained what happened next: "And the very fuckin next day I got this fuckin ugly fuckin boil on my back!"

I thought of his words while wiping my face ... and got a fuckin boil on my face!

One must be careful what one thinks.

But tomorrow I must get up early again ... so off to bed with me again ... saving some more energy.

I am a dedicated eco warrior.