When Gabrielli tells me that the Germans, of all people, expected a bit more World Cup fever from us I decide to oblige her.
Although I had thought that that I had done my bit when I flagged my sister's car, I can now clearly see that this is far below what is required ... so I buy two lighters ... ever-patriotic, one with the SA flag on and another with a soccer ball motif.
I also launch an awareness campaign about the flags, asking all and sundry where their damn flags are.
To test the efficacy of my campaign I ask Charles Moore and his son Kieran to help me spot flags on the way to Kieran's school and further on our way to work.
They jump to the task at hand with diligence and here are the first results:
Yesterday we counted 24 flags up to Kieran's school and a further 40 to Randburg for a total of 64. That is our baseline then.
I counted a further 16 on during the day but that will not be part of the official statistics ... Ok I like counting stuff so what?!
I like to keep stuff scientific, so the only numbers that will count here is that of the early morning trip between Melville and Randburg with a slight detour to Parkview to drop off Kieran.
I only do this trip on Wednesdays and Thursdays so I will give you a weekly update on Thursdays.
But the early results are heartening. This morning we counted 26 to Kieran's school and a further 49 to Randburg for a grand total of 75 ... My efforts are clearly paying off.
A further bracing sign that World Cup fever is taking hold of South Africa is that my friends spontaneously started talking about it on Tuesday evening.
The talk began about who we think is going to win ... Germany got a couple of votes ... to who are our favourite 'second' teams. Jan likes Holland, Vince likes Germany, I like France, Carol likes ... I can't remember and John does not express himself ... as is often the case with John.
Then the conversation inevitably turns to the chances of Bafana Bafana. Carol says that she's sure they'll surprise us by reaching the second round. I secretly hope that she's right but my brain tells me otherwise. Jan says he'll bet her R1000 that they would not.
In fact, he says, he won't even bet her that ... he will GIVE her R1000 if they reach the second round and Vince pitches in that he would GIVE her a R100 for every goal they score ... he stipulates in the contract that this offer excluded own-goals.
So yes all things considered it would seem that my efforts to make the World Cup a success are on the right track and I'll keep you posted about my progress.
But do not expect too much too soon. I pointed out to Gabrielli that we South Africans of all colours tend to be 'last minute people'. Our history is full of telling examples of this tendency.
Just take our recent history to begin with. In the early '90s we found found ourselves on the brink of civil war many a time but we always turned away from it at the last minute ... we decided to take HIV/Aids seriously at the last minute (some would say way beyond the last minute) Julius Malema got disciplined by his party at the last minute ... some would say way beyond ... the government started to focus on our looming electricity crisis at the last minute ... some would say ... most World Cup preparations will only start functioning at the last minute ... and some way beyond the last minute .... but you get the drift.
So I am convinced that by the time most WC visitors arrive WC fever will be in full swing and everybody is going to have a great time.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
Germany rejects my use of the word 'darkies' and race relations in South Africa
I share my office with three darkies. They are Ntoks, the darkie female anchor of the show, Fortune, I don't know exactly what Fortune does, but he is the only darkie follower of my blog and he laughs a lot so I quite like him ... and then there's the Erudite Mister Zee.
They are all much younger than me and probably earn much more money than I do. (There is a reason I mention this.)
Mr Zee is the marketing manager of 50/50, the environmental show that I work for. He wants to be called only Zee but screw him ... he is a Mister.
The reason for this is that it was him who helped me through my ordeal of the first two weeks in my new job.
I once told him in that time: "Zee if you cheat on your wife ... just tell her that you have a helpless Boer in your office and he is taking up all your time with ... well requests for this ... HELP! And Mr Zee saw my pain and helped.
So after Gabrielli complained about my usage of the word 'darkies' I felt that I needed to consult them before writing this.
You must remember that I worked for a blue-collar working class newspaper, Daily Sun, where the word darkie was common currency as in: "Hey Temba is this a darkie word?" Meaning will darkies understand it ...? That is how we speak here.
You must also remember that English is the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 6th, 7th, 9th, or 13th language for most people here.
So I poll my three darkie office companions about Gabrielli's complaint.
Ntoks says no it's not offensive.
Fortune says no it's not offensive.
The Erudite Mr Zee is on the phone, so I wait for him to be done before I publish the result of the poll.
Finally, I get Mr Zee's erudite attention about the question in question and he explains to me thus (and I paraphrase): "I don't find it offensive in itself ... that's how we speak here. But you must remember where the Germans are coming from ... you know the holocaust and so on ... but their collective feelings of guilt is for a past sin that was committed by their forebears with very few of the victims still in evidence. Germany has apologised and that was good.
"But here in South Africa the former oppressed and the former oppressor are dealing with each other on a daily basis... in your face ... and we must just get on with it."
Mr Zee also pointed out to me that it would have been offensive if I wrote about 'white people' and then 'darkies', but since I talked about whiteys and darkies in the same sentence ... it is how we speak here.
Meanwhile I trained Madelein to do my job because they need a back-up for me because the program (computer programs are spelled like that ... even in non-American) that we work on is full of snags and i don't want anybody to go through the same ordeal ... being dumped into a very deep pool of not knowing anything. The worst fate possible with tight deadlines.
Madi is full of nervous energy and she has not had a structured job for a long time ... she calls Zee... Doctor Zee ... you see ... race relations in South Africa ... they are really relations ... not issues.
And then again I spotted 34 flags on cars today ... I do not count those covers on the rearview mirrors of cars ... just flying the flag and more and more people are flying the flags of their 'other team' because the consensus is that our team ain't gonna makew it past the first round.
They are all much younger than me and probably earn much more money than I do. (There is a reason I mention this.)
Mr Zee is the marketing manager of 50/50, the environmental show that I work for. He wants to be called only Zee but screw him ... he is a Mister.
The reason for this is that it was him who helped me through my ordeal of the first two weeks in my new job.
I once told him in that time: "Zee if you cheat on your wife ... just tell her that you have a helpless Boer in your office and he is taking up all your time with ... well requests for this ... HELP! And Mr Zee saw my pain and helped.
So after Gabrielli complained about my usage of the word 'darkies' I felt that I needed to consult them before writing this.
You must remember that I worked for a blue-collar working class newspaper, Daily Sun, where the word darkie was common currency as in: "Hey Temba is this a darkie word?" Meaning will darkies understand it ...? That is how we speak here.
You must also remember that English is the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 6th, 7th, 9th, or 13th language for most people here.
So I poll my three darkie office companions about Gabrielli's complaint.
Ntoks says no it's not offensive.
Fortune says no it's not offensive.
The Erudite Mr Zee is on the phone, so I wait for him to be done before I publish the result of the poll.
Finally, I get Mr Zee's erudite attention about the question in question and he explains to me thus (and I paraphrase): "I don't find it offensive in itself ... that's how we speak here. But you must remember where the Germans are coming from ... you know the holocaust and so on ... but their collective feelings of guilt is for a past sin that was committed by their forebears with very few of the victims still in evidence. Germany has apologised and that was good.
"But here in South Africa the former oppressed and the former oppressor are dealing with each other on a daily basis... in your face ... and we must just get on with it."
Mr Zee also pointed out to me that it would have been offensive if I wrote about 'white people' and then 'darkies', but since I talked about whiteys and darkies in the same sentence ... it is how we speak here.
Meanwhile I trained Madelein to do my job because they need a back-up for me because the program (computer programs are spelled like that ... even in non-American) that we work on is full of snags and i don't want anybody to go through the same ordeal ... being dumped into a very deep pool of not knowing anything. The worst fate possible with tight deadlines.
Madi is full of nervous energy and she has not had a structured job for a long time ... she calls Zee... Doctor Zee ... you see ... race relations in South Africa ... they are really relations ... not issues.
And then again I spotted 34 flags on cars today ... I do not count those covers on the rearview mirrors of cars ... just flying the flag and more and more people are flying the flags of their 'other team' because the consensus is that our team ain't gonna makew it past the first round.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Reflections on race and the World Cup in a bar in Randburg
I am waiting for my boss Charles Moore to give me a lift home from the offices in Randburg. Earlier the day when I went to get some Chinese take-aways I bumped into my old friend Roman .... he is really old (69) and an old friend too.
Roman is a German and a chef and in his most recent incarnation the front-of-house manager at a sportsbar called Paddy's in Randburg.
Meanwhile Gabrielli ... my other German 'friend' asked me to write something about the upcoming Soccer World Cup in South Africa.
The seminal event is scheduled to begin in exactly 33 days from today and I must admit that I have not reflected too much about it ... mainly because I think it will be a cheerful shambles at best and a total disaster at worst. Let's hope for the best. My money is on a cheerful shambles.
With all these elements neatly in place, I tell Charles that I will wait for him in Paddy's in order to study the local fauna in their natural habitat because ... Randburg is not Melville.
Being of a scientific bent I count all the patrons in view (some people call this counting business of mine a disorder ... screw them).
There are 48 after-work drinkers in view at Paddy's at the time I begin my survey at 5:25pm.
They are ... 25 whitey males ... 8 whitey females ... 2 coloured girls ... 2 darkie chicks ... 5 darkie guys and 6 coloured guys ... This is not Melville.
To begin with there would be more darkies, coloureds and women in any bar in Melville, but the ambiance is also different.
There is an urgency in the air that I suspect stems from the fact that all the patrons look as if they are in sales of some sort. They talk rapidly and somewhat too loudly (their laughter is the same) as if they are sniffing a deal.
I also notice that all the waiters, who are all darkies, also wear the Bafana shirts ... under some warmer tops. They have good sense because it is cold.
By the way most waiters in South Africa are darkies and since they only get something like 3,5% of their turnover as commission, tipping is essential here ... the going rate is 10-15% and it's rude not to do it.
This is not Melville because the waiters are attentive. My friend Jan once remarked that 95% of people would become uncomfortable if one would stare at them long and hard and the other 5% become waiters in Melville.
But I digress ... There is a campaign on to get World Cup fever going. It consists of 'Flagging the World Cup" meaning that you have to fly the South African flag. I duly buy a SA flag for my sister Emily's car ... car pointing out to her that it was not only the duty of darkies to be patriotic. I also intend to by her a French flag since we are both francophiles.
While on the subject of my sister Emily ... oh no ... it is actually the World Cup, I decide some more research is needed and I take Emily for lunch at Sakura ... a Japanese sushi and teppenyaki restaurant in 7th Street Melville. They do a decent if not spectacular sushi and teppenyaki and I'm quite fond of the latter.
Emily orders herself a French soccer jersey from a street vendor called Amen ... and I pay a R50 deposit for him to also bring me a French flag for her car. She is dubious about just giving Amen the money and i tell her not to worry.
Although I do not know Amen, he knows me. All the street vendors know me because I banned them from pushing their wares into my customers' faces when I managed the gay bar ... and enforced this policy .... quite vigourously. Amen took her number and has just phoned to say that the merchandise is ready for collection.
The reason for this outing is to count the number of flags on cars as a means to measure WC fever ... In the parking lot in front of Paddy's in Randburg I counted ... zero on about 300 cars ... I did not count the cars ... OK I just counted one row and multiplied it by three ... so do not say anything about disorders.
Melville is not Randburg but I'm disappointed to count only about 17 in all. But this is early days so I'll keep you posted about the number of flags I coun... see.
Everybody is trying to make a quick buck out of the WC ... my maid Zita wants to be a hooker and her boyfriend Martin is in on the deal as pimp. Some other people are planning to rent out their houses and live in their garden sheds ... I just hope more people read and follow my blog. It is a work in progress.
The latest news is that 'they' are now stealing the flags off the cars ... no doubt to re-sell as shop-soiled wares. Nobody knows who 'they' are. I know but I won't tell. It is especially the rear-view mirror flag covers that are being targetted. So be aware.
I will also keep you posted on World Cup fever but for now I'm off to watch rugby ... My team the Cheetahs are playing against some other also-ran team but the Cheetahs have been hitting some good form lately and my hope is that they will improve their standing from 13th on the log to say ... 12th. One can only hope.
By the way welcome to Braam van Straaten an lemartle ... or something like that ... one day you will proudly tell your grandchildren that you were some of the first to join this world famous blog.
Roman is a German and a chef and in his most recent incarnation the front-of-house manager at a sportsbar called Paddy's in Randburg.
Meanwhile Gabrielli ... my other German 'friend' asked me to write something about the upcoming Soccer World Cup in South Africa.
The seminal event is scheduled to begin in exactly 33 days from today and I must admit that I have not reflected too much about it ... mainly because I think it will be a cheerful shambles at best and a total disaster at worst. Let's hope for the best. My money is on a cheerful shambles.
With all these elements neatly in place, I tell Charles that I will wait for him in Paddy's in order to study the local fauna in their natural habitat because ... Randburg is not Melville.
Being of a scientific bent I count all the patrons in view (some people call this counting business of mine a disorder ... screw them).
There are 48 after-work drinkers in view at Paddy's at the time I begin my survey at 5:25pm.
They are ... 25 whitey males ... 8 whitey females ... 2 coloured girls ... 2 darkie chicks ... 5 darkie guys and 6 coloured guys ... This is not Melville.
To begin with there would be more darkies, coloureds and women in any bar in Melville, but the ambiance is also different.
There is an urgency in the air that I suspect stems from the fact that all the patrons look as if they are in sales of some sort. They talk rapidly and somewhat too loudly (their laughter is the same) as if they are sniffing a deal.
They are mostly between 20 and 35 in age and the guys are all in shirt-sleeves or T-shirts despite the fact that I find the autumn evening quite chilly ... but these are clearly hot-blooded guys ... I wonder why they they are sitting mostly with other guys ...
But I am here to reflect about the upcoming World Cup, as well, so I turn my attention to that... I count three guys wearing the Bafana Bafana (the nickname for our national football team ... meaning: "The boys, the boys") shirts. Of these two are whiteys and one a coloured.I also notice that all the waiters, who are all darkies, also wear the Bafana shirts ... under some warmer tops. They have good sense because it is cold.
By the way most waiters in South Africa are darkies and since they only get something like 3,5% of their turnover as commission, tipping is essential here ... the going rate is 10-15% and it's rude not to do it.
This is not Melville because the waiters are attentive. My friend Jan once remarked that 95% of people would become uncomfortable if one would stare at them long and hard and the other 5% become waiters in Melville.
But I digress ... There is a campaign on to get World Cup fever going. It consists of 'Flagging the World Cup" meaning that you have to fly the South African flag. I duly buy a SA flag for my sister Emily's car ... car pointing out to her that it was not only the duty of darkies to be patriotic. I also intend to by her a French flag since we are both francophiles.
While on the subject of my sister Emily ... oh no ... it is actually the World Cup, I decide some more research is needed and I take Emily for lunch at Sakura ... a Japanese sushi and teppenyaki restaurant in 7th Street Melville. They do a decent if not spectacular sushi and teppenyaki and I'm quite fond of the latter.
Emily orders herself a French soccer jersey from a street vendor called Amen ... and I pay a R50 deposit for him to also bring me a French flag for her car. She is dubious about just giving Amen the money and i tell her not to worry.
Although I do not know Amen, he knows me. All the street vendors know me because I banned them from pushing their wares into my customers' faces when I managed the gay bar ... and enforced this policy .... quite vigourously. Amen took her number and has just phoned to say that the merchandise is ready for collection.
The reason for this outing is to count the number of flags on cars as a means to measure WC fever ... In the parking lot in front of Paddy's in Randburg I counted ... zero on about 300 cars ... I did not count the cars ... OK I just counted one row and multiplied it by three ... so do not say anything about disorders.
Melville is not Randburg but I'm disappointed to count only about 17 in all. But this is early days so I'll keep you posted about the number of flags I coun... see.
Everybody is trying to make a quick buck out of the WC ... my maid Zita wants to be a hooker and her boyfriend Martin is in on the deal as pimp. Some other people are planning to rent out their houses and live in their garden sheds ... I just hope more people read and follow my blog. It is a work in progress.
The latest news is that 'they' are now stealing the flags off the cars ... no doubt to re-sell as shop-soiled wares. Nobody knows who 'they' are. I know but I won't tell. It is especially the rear-view mirror flag covers that are being targetted. So be aware.
I will also keep you posted on World Cup fever but for now I'm off to watch rugby ... My team the Cheetahs are playing against some other also-ran team but the Cheetahs have been hitting some good form lately and my hope is that they will improve their standing from 13th on the log to say ... 12th. One can only hope.
By the way welcome to Braam van Straaten an lemartle ... or something like that ... one day you will proudly tell your grandchildren that you were some of the first to join this world famous blog.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Friends and followers
I gained my first darkie follower today ... welcome to Fortune. I don't know why but it felt like a bit of a breakthrough for a seWammba. I also think I got my first German follower ... thus welcome to Gabrielli.
I have some friends in real life. We see each other once or twice a week and of them only Mark the photographer joined the blog. The others are shining in their absence. Most of them read the blog but to press that "follow" button seems out of their reach.
Jan was the one who pleaded with me to begin the blog in the first place ... so he has no excuse.
Vince does not really like my writing style nor the content so at least he has some sort of excuse.
George is an Internet retard ... or so he claims ... because he f*cks around on Facebook enough so I suppose he has no real excuse either. You can use your Yahoo account to join George!
John, I know is not into much on the Internet except mail.
Madelein has no excuse ... she even has a gmail account.
Amanda has a baby so she has an excuse but she reads the blog so she does not really have one.
Charli says she does not have Internet access at all.
Albert ... the other lawyer ... takes down the address every Friday when we meet for drinks ... but his dad got seriously ill for the past two weeks so I forgive him.
My own 23-year-old daughter, Tamlin whom I tried to bribe to join last weekend and who said she would, still hasn't. I suspect that she suspects it would be embarrassing to her.
I have other friends all over the world who have indeed joined and also some people whom I do not know ... thanks to all of you ... may you serve as an example of selflessness to my friends.
Having been out with my friends ... I'm tired so bye.
I have some friends in real life. We see each other once or twice a week and of them only Mark the photographer joined the blog. The others are shining in their absence. Most of them read the blog but to press that "follow" button seems out of their reach.
Jan was the one who pleaded with me to begin the blog in the first place ... so he has no excuse.
Vince does not really like my writing style nor the content so at least he has some sort of excuse.
George is an Internet retard ... or so he claims ... because he f*cks around on Facebook enough so I suppose he has no real excuse either. You can use your Yahoo account to join George!
John, I know is not into much on the Internet except mail.
Madelein has no excuse ... she even has a gmail account.
Amanda has a baby so she has an excuse but she reads the blog so she does not really have one.
Charli says she does not have Internet access at all.
Albert ... the other lawyer ... takes down the address every Friday when we meet for drinks ... but his dad got seriously ill for the past two weeks so I forgive him.
My own 23-year-old daughter, Tamlin whom I tried to bribe to join last weekend and who said she would, still hasn't. I suspect that she suspects it would be embarrassing to her.
I have other friends all over the world who have indeed joined and also some people whom I do not know ... thanks to all of you ... may you serve as an example of selflessness to my friends.
Having been out with my friends ... I'm tired so bye.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Reversing climate change with R149!
I bought a heater.
It was was the best thing I could do to combat climate change. I'm sitting on top of it, but at my knees are not cold.
It cost me R149 and I think it is the best investment I have made this year ... OK also the only capital expenditure ... but there you go. One must do one's best to stop climate change in its tracks and when faced with such an enormous calamity it is often best to start stopping the rot close to home. Sweep in front of your own door as it were.
So I reversed climate change with R149 ... but that was a temporary stoppage like the Dutch boy with his finger in the the dyke ... or is that dike ... either way that does not bear too much scrutiny... It sounds pornographic and after 12 hours of checking language I am in no mood to check my own.
The climate in my humble abode is just fine now... and ever conscious of my footprint I have only activated one bar of my 2-bar halogen heater from a company called Aim. The weather outside has also improved dramatically and can even be considered as normal for Joburg this time of the year. Crisp clear blue skies with the trees showing off their autumn colours ... quite pretty really. See what can happen if we take action against climate change.
Meanwhile I learnt that it rained twice as much in Joburg so far this year as it does on average, No wonder my towels are all a bit sour.
On that subject ... many years ago my brother Noddy told me how he went to the gym and having forgotten his own towel he borrowed one from a colleague ... only to find it a bit sour ... in his own words he explained what happened next: "And the very fuckin next day I got this fuckin ugly fuckin boil on my back!"
I thought of his words while wiping my face ... and got a fuckin boil on my face!
One must be careful what one thinks.
But tomorrow I must get up early again ... so off to bed with me again ... saving some more energy.
I am a dedicated eco warrior.
It was was the best thing I could do to combat climate change. I'm sitting on top of it, but at my knees are not cold.
It cost me R149 and I think it is the best investment I have made this year ... OK also the only capital expenditure ... but there you go. One must do one's best to stop climate change in its tracks and when faced with such an enormous calamity it is often best to start stopping the rot close to home. Sweep in front of your own door as it were.
So I reversed climate change with R149 ... but that was a temporary stoppage like the Dutch boy with his finger in the the dyke ... or is that dike ... either way that does not bear too much scrutiny... It sounds pornographic and after 12 hours of checking language I am in no mood to check my own.
The climate in my humble abode is just fine now... and ever conscious of my footprint I have only activated one bar of my 2-bar halogen heater from a company called Aim. The weather outside has also improved dramatically and can even be considered as normal for Joburg this time of the year. Crisp clear blue skies with the trees showing off their autumn colours ... quite pretty really. See what can happen if we take action against climate change.
Meanwhile I learnt that it rained twice as much in Joburg so far this year as it does on average, No wonder my towels are all a bit sour.
On that subject ... many years ago my brother Noddy told me how he went to the gym and having forgotten his own towel he borrowed one from a colleague ... only to find it a bit sour ... in his own words he explained what happened next: "And the very fuckin next day I got this fuckin ugly fuckin boil on my back!"
I thought of his words while wiping my face ... and got a fuckin boil on my face!
One must be careful what one thinks.
But tomorrow I must get up early again ... so off to bed with me again ... saving some more energy.
I am a dedicated eco warrior.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Climate change barometer and some questions
I do not know much about climate change, except that it is happening. I know that it is happening because I have my own barometer and that is my longjohns.
When I got to Joburg some 10 years ago I started wearing my longjohns on 1 May and took them off on 1 October (no NOT the same pair). As the years went by, the longjohn period grew longer and longer and with the exception of just a couple of days, I pretty much wore them this whole past year.
As a matter of fact, these days I have taken to wearing two pairs. I may be getting slightly older but I am in good health and 46 is really not that old ... it must be getting colder ...
So climate change is a happening reality, but what causes it?
I have trouble believing that it is man-made carbon emissions alone. I am all for cleaner fuels and cleaner living and consuming less resources, but is the opposite really the cause of climate change?
Many, if not most scientists seem to agree with me. The problem is that we do not have enough data to work with .... only about 150 years worth (if that) out of many billions of years. Earlier forecast models indicated that Joburg would get dryer due to climate change, but instead we stand the risk of drowning in the damn streets. More proof that nobody knows what is really happening.
My father also predicted that wet summers are followed by mild winters, but if the past week is anything to go by we are all going to freeze to death. That is because South African houses are designed to be cool during our long hot summers ... before climate change. Not even my father knows what is going on.
So climate change hysterics know as much or as little as the rest of us and I smell the beginnings of an hysteria-fuelled fundraising industry. There is nothing that the media love so much as predicting a looming catastrophe.
Meanwhile I support recycling and all green activities whole-heartedly ... I just wonder what the hell is going on and why damn George did not get me the damn heater he said he would ... I freezing my ass off as yet another soggy day draws to a close. I am eyeing my spare longjohns and wonder whether I should put on another pair ... or two.
About the heater ... I ordered a fan heater thinking it would use less electricity as I was lead to believe all my life, but George (he is a fridge guy and knows about stuff like that) disabused me of my world-saving notions. He told me that they all use the same amount of electricity. He went on and on about kilowatt hours but I did not really listen. I was busy recycling a glass of wine.
But the biggest question I have now is why George stopped me from buying a heater on Saturday and then forgot the cheap one for which he had a contact? The climate change inside my humble abode is really extreme ... I am wearing all clothes and I'm sitting under my duvet. Why George, ... why?
And welcome to Nicky Smith.
When I got to Joburg some 10 years ago I started wearing my longjohns on 1 May and took them off on 1 October (no NOT the same pair). As the years went by, the longjohn period grew longer and longer and with the exception of just a couple of days, I pretty much wore them this whole past year.
As a matter of fact, these days I have taken to wearing two pairs. I may be getting slightly older but I am in good health and 46 is really not that old ... it must be getting colder ...
So climate change is a happening reality, but what causes it?
I have trouble believing that it is man-made carbon emissions alone. I am all for cleaner fuels and cleaner living and consuming less resources, but is the opposite really the cause of climate change?
Many, if not most scientists seem to agree with me. The problem is that we do not have enough data to work with .... only about 150 years worth (if that) out of many billions of years. Earlier forecast models indicated that Joburg would get dryer due to climate change, but instead we stand the risk of drowning in the damn streets. More proof that nobody knows what is really happening.
My father also predicted that wet summers are followed by mild winters, but if the past week is anything to go by we are all going to freeze to death. That is because South African houses are designed to be cool during our long hot summers ... before climate change. Not even my father knows what is going on.
So climate change hysterics know as much or as little as the rest of us and I smell the beginnings of an hysteria-fuelled fundraising industry. There is nothing that the media love so much as predicting a looming catastrophe.
Meanwhile I support recycling and all green activities whole-heartedly ... I just wonder what the hell is going on and why damn George did not get me the damn heater he said he would ... I freezing my ass off as yet another soggy day draws to a close. I am eyeing my spare longjohns and wonder whether I should put on another pair ... or two.
About the heater ... I ordered a fan heater thinking it would use less electricity as I was lead to believe all my life, but George (he is a fridge guy and knows about stuff like that) disabused me of my world-saving notions. He told me that they all use the same amount of electricity. He went on and on about kilowatt hours but I did not really listen. I was busy recycling a glass of wine.
But the biggest question I have now is why George stopped me from buying a heater on Saturday and then forgot the cheap one for which he had a contact? The climate change inside my humble abode is really extreme ... I am wearing all clothes and I'm sitting under my duvet. Why George, ... why?
And welcome to Nicky Smith.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Cultural niche markets in porn and frowning friends .... (PG18)
When I mention to my friends that I intend writing about the different kinds of porn favoured by different nations ... some frown, others shake their heads and the writer Vince declares loudly and somewhat too angrily (in my view) that he will only read my blog if I stop writing "about shit and sex".
I try to point out to him that porn and sex only have an incidental connection, in that it involves nudity, but he is having none of that ... so OK bye Vince.
I suppose I am not an ordinary tourist. When I go to a new city, I want to know how ordinary people live there. Thus I spend most of my time in bars trying to connect to the locals. I will take in the odd museum here and there, but that would not be my main aim. No ... strolling the streets of New York, Paris, Budapest or where-ever and stopping for a beer here and there is more my scene.
In these wanderings I often land up in the seedier parts of whatever city I am in. Here one normally finds the brothels, stripshows and porn shops. I normally skip the brothels and strip shows, not out of any kind of prudery, but because my budget would not allow for it.
But as a consumer of porn, I do go into porn shops and this is where I learnt that different nations have different tastes in porn. I am not talking about the normal 'sucking and fucking' porn that you get everywhere ... it is more what I would call cultural niche markets in porn.
The careful observer will notice that certain types of porn would be given a more prominent place in the general display.
I begin with the Americans, not only because they're the biggest producers and consumers of porn, but also because their porn is so true to form. I may be mistaken, but it is my impression that the US is often trying to fuck the world up the arse with the best technology available to mankind ... and so is their porn ... clinical, high definition and anal.
The French prefer things to be au naturel and it is not surprising that they like amateur porn. They also have a little penchant for lesbian porn but I think amateur is their thing.
The Dutch and the Spanish have a surprising connection in porn. They seem to like animals. I suppose it must have something to do with those long sea voyages undertaken by their forbears ... you know that goat winking at one in a cute kind of a way after the third month on the open sea...
The Germans ... in a probable rebellion against their ordered existence, like it messy. Real messy ... like in scatological ... pissing and shitting ... OK let's move on.
The Japanese, in contrast, like it clean. For them it is pantyhose, short plaid tartan skirts, light bondage ... They are also not so obsessed with shaving off the last pubic hair in the world as the Americans are.
Surprisingly the Eastern Europeans seem to like public nudity. I is surprising in the light of the amount of it on display in say Budapest on a hot summer's day.
And South Africans? Well the darkies seem not to be interested at all and they probably think the whiteys are crazy for furtively sneaking into the shops where they man the cash registers in a bored kind of a way.
My own friends frown on porn, but they are not average South Africans. My own view is that South Africans like the emotional porn that is to be found in the twin magazines You and Huisgenoot.
A multi-billion dollar almost global media empire, Naspers/Media24, was built on the back of the schmaltz peddled in the form of 'human drama' by those two, the one in Afrikaans and the other in English.
Myself personally ... ? I like my porn soft. No penetrations, no spread-em wide, no insertions ... just beautiful naked women.
OK Vince, you can come back now ...
Meanwhile I dropped a 1.5l bottle of red wine on my big toe ... fortunately it did not break ... the bottle I mean .... my toe well ... let me put it this way: I am not as mobile as I was yesterday.
I try to point out to him that porn and sex only have an incidental connection, in that it involves nudity, but he is having none of that ... so OK bye Vince.
I suppose I am not an ordinary tourist. When I go to a new city, I want to know how ordinary people live there. Thus I spend most of my time in bars trying to connect to the locals. I will take in the odd museum here and there, but that would not be my main aim. No ... strolling the streets of New York, Paris, Budapest or where-ever and stopping for a beer here and there is more my scene.
In these wanderings I often land up in the seedier parts of whatever city I am in. Here one normally finds the brothels, stripshows and porn shops. I normally skip the brothels and strip shows, not out of any kind of prudery, but because my budget would not allow for it.
But as a consumer of porn, I do go into porn shops and this is where I learnt that different nations have different tastes in porn. I am not talking about the normal 'sucking and fucking' porn that you get everywhere ... it is more what I would call cultural niche markets in porn.
The careful observer will notice that certain types of porn would be given a more prominent place in the general display.
I begin with the Americans, not only because they're the biggest producers and consumers of porn, but also because their porn is so true to form. I may be mistaken, but it is my impression that the US is often trying to fuck the world up the arse with the best technology available to mankind ... and so is their porn ... clinical, high definition and anal.
The French prefer things to be au naturel and it is not surprising that they like amateur porn. They also have a little penchant for lesbian porn but I think amateur is their thing.
The Dutch and the Spanish have a surprising connection in porn. They seem to like animals. I suppose it must have something to do with those long sea voyages undertaken by their forbears ... you know that goat winking at one in a cute kind of a way after the third month on the open sea...
The Germans ... in a probable rebellion against their ordered existence, like it messy. Real messy ... like in scatological ... pissing and shitting ... OK let's move on.
The Japanese, in contrast, like it clean. For them it is pantyhose, short plaid tartan skirts, light bondage ... They are also not so obsessed with shaving off the last pubic hair in the world as the Americans are.
Surprisingly the Eastern Europeans seem to like public nudity. I is surprising in the light of the amount of it on display in say Budapest on a hot summer's day.
And South Africans? Well the darkies seem not to be interested at all and they probably think the whiteys are crazy for furtively sneaking into the shops where they man the cash registers in a bored kind of a way.
My own friends frown on porn, but they are not average South Africans. My own view is that South Africans like the emotional porn that is to be found in the twin magazines You and Huisgenoot.
A multi-billion dollar almost global media empire, Naspers/Media24, was built on the back of the schmaltz peddled in the form of 'human drama' by those two, the one in Afrikaans and the other in English.
Myself personally ... ? I like my porn soft. No penetrations, no spread-em wide, no insertions ... just beautiful naked women.
OK Vince, you can come back now ...
Meanwhile I dropped a 1.5l bottle of red wine on my big toe ... fortunately it did not break ... the bottle I mean .... my toe well ... let me put it this way: I am not as mobile as I was yesterday.
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