Boys night in Melville

Last night was boys' night. Now these normally sedate affairs were instituted by me, the Laughing One and the Lawyer mainly to get away from our girlfriends/wives for one night a week.

To begin with the three of us sat pensively staring into our beers and went home satisfied with the peace and quiet the moment afforded us. Normally quite early too, say at about 9pm at the latest. Three middle-aged men taking time out. That was then and that was good.

Since then we have been joined by the Writer, the Fridge Guy, the Poet, the Photographer, the Wannabe Lawyer (a woman to boot!) and things took a turn for the worse. Suddenly witty conversation became expected and jokes flowed faster than the booze. So don't ask me what the damn witty conversation was about. I cannot even remember how I got home!

So there we were ... eight middle-aged white people having fun (I suppose it was fucking fun because we repeat it every Thursday) in what the British and European media love to describe as one of the most dangerous cities in the world ... Johannesburg , South Africa.

Now make no mistake Joburg, Jozi, Joeys, whatever you want to call it is not for the fainthearted. I was once shot through my knee at 4:17am ... in my bed. So what. Shit happens and with the best trauma surgeons in the world on 24h call my knee was fixed up in no time whatsoever, I do not even have a damn limp to solicit sympathy with. I always have to force the little trauma into a conversation and since I don't have a fucking limp people look at me as if I am making it all up. They shrug and start talking about something else like hot cross bun recipes.

Anyway I still love the much-maligned Joburg, as I prefer to call it. In my vast travelling experience I only found one city that I prefer to it and that was Paris. But Paris is not for the poor. Since I happen to be damn poor Joburg is where I prefer to live.

The people are open-minded and friendly. That at least holds true in my suburb Melville. A true village in a big city. A bit like Soho, Greenwhich and Montmartre in their own ways. So I lie. I do not live in Joburg, I live in Melville. I resent leaving Melville which is probably a good thing because I don't have a car.

Since Joburg is a business centre (and the only so-called World City in Africa) people here are forced to network and be open about stuff. I picked up all the above people in bars and restaurants in Melville. I hate them because I can hardly think straight after last night's boys' night. My hangover measures a full 5 on the Baboon Scale (of which I am the inventor and on which I will expand on in my next blog if I remember to do it).

But back to Joburg. Apart from the friendly people the place is also full of trees. In fact it is the largest man-made forest in the world. I mention that because I like trees and I am always impressed by the number of them here where there were only one or two about a 100 years ago. No you will not catch me hugging a damn tree! I like them like I like the sea. Sort of nice to look at. Many trees mean many birds so if you are a birder bring your binoculars next time you visit Joburg.

Apart from people, trees and birds Joburg also offer a vast array of other attractions like museums, parks and shopping malls which I cannot say much about since they are outside Melville and I have never been to them. But I have it on good authority that they are splendid and well worth a visit.

I think this is enough blogging for one day. So to conclude last night was boys' night ... oh yes the damn Wannabe Lawyer gave me a lift home because I was a bit unsteady on my feet and had my laptop with me. One must not be stupid in Joburg ... like anywhere else.