Computer blues and why I need a Mac

I work on Windows Vista (Home), probably the worst operating system ever. My new workplace is driven by Mac and never the 'twain shall meet ... I want to work from home as much as possible, so they buy me a licence for the necessary software ($99) and I am ready to roll ... not.

I do one job and deliver on time. Like Dave Barry, I like deadlines, but unlike him I hate the whooshing sound they make when they fly by. From Wednesday to Friday this is all I hear. The size of the visual files I have to deal with prove too much for my laptop, so it goes on a go-slow.

It is a new job and I'm eager to impress, but instead I spend most of my time sitting in the courtyard smoking and drinking coffee while a variety of very patient IT types pore over my laptop. On Friday it becomes clear too all involved that my laptop now went on a full-on wildcat strike and a Mac is hastily assembled for me while that whooshing sound increases in pitch and frequency.

The Mac is assembled from various odd bits and I soon realise that the yellowed keyboard was programmed with many shortcuts by a heavy smoker during the time that one could still smoke in the workplace .... about a century ago I think.

The shortcuts are designed to make life easier when one works with visuals, but I work with text so WHOOSH! another deadline flies by while I smoke in the courtyard and and the IT types pore. The solution is to disable all shortcuts while I do one aspect of the job and enable them for another .... WHOOSH, WHOOSH, WHOOSH!!!

So now I'm rolling and the people who are missing their deadlines because I am missing mine seem very understanding. They only come to enquire about my progress on this or that job every quarter of an hour or so. But at last my job is done ... I return to Melville to join my friends for drinks at about 6:30pm while many others work through the night. Life has a way to even things out (see my previous posting about me working through the night on my first 'day' on the job).

Meanwhile my laptop returns from full strike mode to the go-slow mode. I cannot blog or play Scrabble (my other little addiction) and find all of that slightly boring ... so I go and see the Morrocans again. I leave the laptop with them overnight and fetch it this morning but nothing was done to it. It remains glacial in its responses to my commands.

I braai (barbeque) for my sister Emily and her kids to treat her a bit, seeing that her French lover who came to visit for three weeks returned home on Thursday. I also buy her a small South African flag for her car window, thinking that patriotism is not the duty of the darkies alone. After that it is back to the Morrocans.

This time I peer over their shoulders while they pore over the computer and once again they fix the problem while I drink coffee. The computer, however, remains slightly hesitant in responding to my commands, but at least I can blog and play Scrabble.

By the way, I met my boss, Charles for lunch yesterday and we agreed that I really needed a Mac. I just looked at my heading and saw that that was where I was heading. Since I could not blog much last week I'm going to do it twice tonight. Don't miss the next one: "How to deal with a floater and my other superstitions"