You would have noticed that I seldom ... if ever ... use exclamation marks anywhere in my text ... and to use it in a headline means it means something ... but I must confess to a bad addiction to ellipses ... Okay I admitted ... acknowledging the problem is the first step to recovery .. (you see .)
It can only be in South Africa where a rugby match between two provincial sides can take on the 'historical' tag. Normally I would dismiss such talk as 'hysterical' but for once I am in full agreement.
No lesser person than former archbishop Desmond Tutu hailed the event as historical and who am I to disagree.
When SA signed itself over to Fifa ... the Blue Bulls from Pretoria also had to give up their bastion in Pretoria, Loftus Versveld. Now the Bulls could come from no other place in South Africa. They are almost more Pretorian than Pretoria itself ... almost brutal in their their insular smugness ... but they remain one of the best rugby teams in South Africa and well respected for that by friend and foe alike.
At the same time ... It may only be a perception but I always suspect Pretoria to be a bit more racist than most other big towns in South Africa ... perhaps with the exception of Bloemfontein... but that's a different story.
Now imagine my surprise when they, having relinquished their stadium to Fifa, chose Orlando Stadium in Soweto for their Super 14 semifinal clash against the Canterbury Crusaders from New Zealand.
When I first heard that news I thought it was some joke but when I realised that it was true I thought it was a good move ... but was a bit sceptical about what the response from the Bulls fans would be ... well I'm happy to report that for once Pretoria surprised me positively. The tickets for the match sold out almost immediately and Pretoria is going to Soweto tomorrow.
This was not the only surprise ... I also learnt that the Bulls are one of the teams in the country with the most black support ... Pliny the Elder had it right: "Ex Africa semper aliquid novi."
Bishop Tutu likened the historical value of the event to South Africa's 1995 rugby World Cup victory ... and he is only exaggerating slightly.
It is true that there is nothing that can unify South Africans across the board like a great sporting victory and the 1995 event did much to unite the country at the time ... Remember Nelson Mandela wearing the Springbok jersey ... just thinking about it again gives me goose-bumps ... I was in France for that event but the feeling lived on well into 1996 when I came back ...
Pity that Bafana Bafana is so poor ... them making just the second round of the World Cup would have the same nation-building effect as the Springbok victory ... one lives in hope.
So it is historical and there is a buzz about it ... even in Joburg where we tend to be allergic to all things emanating from Pretoria. I woke up to the historical value too late and have no tickets ... Charles Moore tried ... and failed ... to get some. We then thought we would just go and watch the match in a bar in Soweto ... to be 'part' of the event but then I remembered that it is George's damn birthday. So I'll watch it from Jan's place where the party is going to be held.
So I'll say it only once ... but I'll say it loudly: "GO BULLS!!!!"
.... AND WELL DONE PRETORIA!
Ex Africa semper .... Charles Moore got us tickets to the match!! ...
We'll be going on his bike ... this will not surprise you ... fills me with dread but I shall be brave ... he pointed out to me that the traffic is going to be bad to Soweto ... and I had to agree ... we need to go on the bike ... because it's George's damn birthday!! Not really even ... It turns out that his damn birthday is only next week ...
Welcome to Adolf, Barry, Susan, Anne, Madelein and whoever else is new here.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
South African language ... that you should know ...
A sort of a friend mine (I shall not divulge ... so don't ask) compiled a glossary of common South African English words that can be found on http://www.mediaclubsouthafrica.com/ ... go there for more 'good news' stories about this 'blighted' place ...
I wanted to post the direct link but I AM USING @#$%^& WINDOWS @#$%^&* VISTA ... so it's not possible.
Language in SA is an interesting topic ... if you are interested in language ... I am ... so here goes ...
We have 11 official languages and I'll try and list them ... remember I said 'try' and hopefully in 'spoken by most people' (even as alternative language) sequence ... forgive me if I get it wrong ... I'm in no mood for internet research ... check the dateline. So here goes:
Most whiteys profess that they regret not having learnt to speak a darkie language but very few of them ever do. Most darkies speak several languages so ... a Sotho would probably also sepak Zulu and Xhosa and all the other Pedi languages ... as well as Afrikaans and/or English depending on where he or she grew up.
On the mines everybody speaks Fanagalo ... a type of 'universal' language that was created to facilitate communication between the various nations that would put the creators of Esperanto to shame ... because this one actually works.
According to the linguistic legend Noam Chomsky, languages living together in the same space will inevitably 'contaminate' each other and nowhere is that seen quite like in South Africa ... I think in 50 years or so ... we will all be speaking Fanagalo.
For the moment one would only need a basic English in South Africa to get around. It is the lingua franca of the country after all.
So when my maid Zita reiterates her plan to become a magosha (the 'g' is pronounced with a guttural ggggg sound not 'gh' or 'gee') I know she wants to become a prostitute. Yes Zita is still adamant that she will sell her body during the World Cup ... for R500 a pop. I point out to her that it is slightly above the current market average and she retorts: "Aikona ... I will throw in a massage and and a blowjob as well ... all adding up to hard work. I just roll my eyes.
Words that you will definitively encounter in SA:
aikona - no
braai - barbeque
biltong - dried meat delicacy
boerewors - farmer's sausage
eish - an expression of pain
lekker - cool, good, fun,
I wanted to post the direct link but I AM USING @#$%^& WINDOWS @#$%^&* VISTA ... so it's not possible.
Language in SA is an interesting topic ... if you are interested in language ... I am ... so here goes ...
We have 11 official languages and I'll try and list them ... remember I said 'try' and hopefully in 'spoken by most people' (even as alternative language) sequence ... forgive me if I get it wrong ... I'm in no mood for internet research ... check the dateline. So here goes:
- English
- isiZulu
- Afrikaans
- isiXhosa
- seSotho
- sePedi
- seTswana ... these three are very close and as a language group probably much bigger than most of the above
- siSwati
- tshiVenda
- isiNdebele
- xiTsonga
Most whiteys profess that they regret not having learnt to speak a darkie language but very few of them ever do. Most darkies speak several languages so ... a Sotho would probably also sepak Zulu and Xhosa and all the other Pedi languages ... as well as Afrikaans and/or English depending on where he or she grew up.
On the mines everybody speaks Fanagalo ... a type of 'universal' language that was created to facilitate communication between the various nations that would put the creators of Esperanto to shame ... because this one actually works.
According to the linguistic legend Noam Chomsky, languages living together in the same space will inevitably 'contaminate' each other and nowhere is that seen quite like in South Africa ... I think in 50 years or so ... we will all be speaking Fanagalo.
For the moment one would only need a basic English in South Africa to get around. It is the lingua franca of the country after all.
So when my maid Zita reiterates her plan to become a magosha (the 'g' is pronounced with a guttural ggggg sound not 'gh' or 'gee') I know she wants to become a prostitute. Yes Zita is still adamant that she will sell her body during the World Cup ... for R500 a pop. I point out to her that it is slightly above the current market average and she retorts: "Aikona ... I will throw in a massage and and a blowjob as well ... all adding up to hard work. I just roll my eyes.
Words that you will definitively encounter in SA:
aikona - no
braai - barbeque
biltong - dried meat delicacy
boerewors - farmer's sausage
eish - an expression of pain
lekker - cool, good, fun,
and many more ... look up the glossary and come to South Africa ... you'll have a lekker time.
FLAG UPDATE: The results for this week are disappointing to say the least. I did not catch a lift with them but Charles Moore and Kieran kept on counting ... 67 on Wednesday and today ... only 60 ... that just means I have to redouble my efforts to get some 'gees' going.
'Gees' with the 'g' pronounced the same way as in magosha is the South African word for the spirit of something or a group. When things are 'lekker' everybody has gees.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Fifa bans fun... update
In a statement today the football governing body Fifa officially banned South Africans from having fun during the World Cup ... or making money.
The feudal overlord of the country for the event said the ban was necessary for several reasons which I will list below:
The feudal overlord of the country for the event said the ban was necessary for several reasons which I will list below:
- People normally pay to have fun and since Fifa will not be able to share in that revenue there is no sense in them allowing fun to happen
- People having fun normally talk and laugh ... sometimes too loudly ... and that could bring Fifa into disrepute
- Fifa wants to exercise its droit de cuissage with the country anally and if we seem to enjoy it, it would diminish Fifa's pleasure.
- (Droit de cuissage ... for those who don't know is the feudal lord's 'right' to sleep with the maiden bride ... it seriously pissed off Braveheart as you'll remember)
- If Fifa can't make money out of it there is no sense in making it happen ... so they are considering to also ban sex, the drinking of anything else but the official beer, the wearing of any clothes not sanctioned by them and anything else that people may enjoy without Fifa scoring from it.
The body said that since it now effectively owns the country and all its individual inhabitants and their children, dogs, cats, pigs and chickens ... it can do what it wants when it wants and how it wants ... so brace yourself South Africa ... and bend over ... Fifa is coming.
And if you don't like it ... go and fuck yourself ... as long as you don't have fun doing it.
OK that is slightly exaggerated but it is the impression one gets when one reads Fifa's rules and regulations for hosting the event.
I pity the street hawkers looking forward to the World Cup ... they think they are going to make a killing. The 'wire-and-bead' artists on Melville's street have been working overtime to produce enough stock for the World Cup,... I pity them.
My fear is that they will have their stock confiscated and be put into concentration camps for the duration of the event.
Seriously, Fifa is being very militaristic about everything and that may be one reason why people are still a bit iffy about the World Cup.
The reason for this tirade is that a school contacted a radio station to learn if what they planned for the World Cup would be legal in Fifa's mind.
What they are planning is to have a 'fun' event to promote the WC. The radio station contacted Fifa's legal representatives and put the question to them ... the answer was that the school should download the legal requirements for trading under the Fifa banner and see if they comply.
When the radio presenter points out to the lawyer that they did not want to trade or make money ... just promote the event ... the answer is: "Zey must just zownload zee legal requirementz for trading under zee Fifa name..."
Welcome to Snieke and hallo Inge ... Inge I will blog about your preference for the 'chocolate long and lovely' tomorrow... I first need to clarify a couple of points. LOL
Friday, May 14, 2010
My day off becomes an off day...
Having worked like titans this past week we get the programme to bed early and give ourselves a long weekend.
I am happy for the opportunity to pay a bit more attention to my blog and my Scrabble games ...
I switch on the radio and hear the news ... Frederick van Zyl-Slabbert has died. Now this guy was one of my heroes.
His role in breaking the political stalemate in the '80s and averting full-scale civil war in South Africa is much underestimated. He could always be counted upon to bring a measure of sanity to the most explosive situations.
He was one of those South Africans and Afrikaners who made me proud to be one ... a South African and an Afrikaner.
With this bit of sad news to get me going I find myself stuck in the starting blocks ... I turn to Scrabble for solace and to get my mind working ... a strategy that worked well when I was unemployed.
I play all my games and even get two 7-letter words but I get no ideas.
After pottering about in my cottage for a while I decide to come to Nuno's ... have a beer and read the newspapers for inspiration.
No luck.
As per usual they only serve to depress me ... "The face of the Rolex gang terror", says The Star
This gang apparently follow people who buy expensive watches and jewelery home and rob them. This one guy was caught on CCTV .... and he looks the part of a bad-ass gangster. I hope that now that his face is known he would be caught.
The Afrikaans daily Beeld tries to milk the last bit of emotional sop out of the Airbus crash in Libya ... "My dad's plane crashed" is their headline.
The rest is mostly crime, corruption and Julius Malema stories.
All depressing.
The ANC had the opportunity to get rid of that young Hitler in the making, Malema, and instead chose just to give him a slap on the wrist and demand that he apologises for his insanity.
Very depressing indeed.
No wonder newspaper sales are plummeting ... their regular readers must be committing suicide in droves.
That was how my day off became an off day. As you can see I still have nothing to say.
I am happy for the opportunity to pay a bit more attention to my blog and my Scrabble games ...
I switch on the radio and hear the news ... Frederick van Zyl-Slabbert has died. Now this guy was one of my heroes.
His role in breaking the political stalemate in the '80s and averting full-scale civil war in South Africa is much underestimated. He could always be counted upon to bring a measure of sanity to the most explosive situations.
He was one of those South Africans and Afrikaners who made me proud to be one ... a South African and an Afrikaner.
With this bit of sad news to get me going I find myself stuck in the starting blocks ... I turn to Scrabble for solace and to get my mind working ... a strategy that worked well when I was unemployed.
I play all my games and even get two 7-letter words but I get no ideas.
After pottering about in my cottage for a while I decide to come to Nuno's ... have a beer and read the newspapers for inspiration.
No luck.
As per usual they only serve to depress me ... "The face of the Rolex gang terror", says The Star
This gang apparently follow people who buy expensive watches and jewelery home and rob them. This one guy was caught on CCTV .... and he looks the part of a bad-ass gangster. I hope that now that his face is known he would be caught.
The Afrikaans daily Beeld tries to milk the last bit of emotional sop out of the Airbus crash in Libya ... "My dad's plane crashed" is their headline.
The rest is mostly crime, corruption and Julius Malema stories.
All depressing.
The ANC had the opportunity to get rid of that young Hitler in the making, Malema, and instead chose just to give him a slap on the wrist and demand that he apologises for his insanity.
Very depressing indeed.
No wonder newspaper sales are plummeting ... their regular readers must be committing suicide in droves.
That was how my day off became an off day. As you can see I still have nothing to say.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
My part in the success or failure of the World Cup
When Gabrielli tells me that the Germans, of all people, expected a bit more World Cup fever from us I decide to oblige her.
Although I had thought that that I had done my bit when I flagged my sister's car, I can now clearly see that this is far below what is required ... so I buy two lighters ... ever-patriotic, one with the SA flag on and another with a soccer ball motif.
I also launch an awareness campaign about the flags, asking all and sundry where their damn flags are.
To test the efficacy of my campaign I ask Charles Moore and his son Kieran to help me spot flags on the way to Kieran's school and further on our way to work.
They jump to the task at hand with diligence and here are the first results:
Yesterday we counted 24 flags up to Kieran's school and a further 40 to Randburg for a total of 64. That is our baseline then.
I counted a further 16 on during the day but that will not be part of the official statistics ... Ok I like counting stuff so what?!
I like to keep stuff scientific, so the only numbers that will count here is that of the early morning trip between Melville and Randburg with a slight detour to Parkview to drop off Kieran.
I only do this trip on Wednesdays and Thursdays so I will give you a weekly update on Thursdays.
But the early results are heartening. This morning we counted 26 to Kieran's school and a further 49 to Randburg for a grand total of 75 ... My efforts are clearly paying off.
A further bracing sign that World Cup fever is taking hold of South Africa is that my friends spontaneously started talking about it on Tuesday evening.
The talk began about who we think is going to win ... Germany got a couple of votes ... to who are our favourite 'second' teams. Jan likes Holland, Vince likes Germany, I like France, Carol likes ... I can't remember and John does not express himself ... as is often the case with John.
Then the conversation inevitably turns to the chances of Bafana Bafana. Carol says that she's sure they'll surprise us by reaching the second round. I secretly hope that she's right but my brain tells me otherwise. Jan says he'll bet her R1000 that they would not.
In fact, he says, he won't even bet her that ... he will GIVE her R1000 if they reach the second round and Vince pitches in that he would GIVE her a R100 for every goal they score ... he stipulates in the contract that this offer excluded own-goals.
So yes all things considered it would seem that my efforts to make the World Cup a success are on the right track and I'll keep you posted about my progress.
But do not expect too much too soon. I pointed out to Gabrielli that we South Africans of all colours tend to be 'last minute people'. Our history is full of telling examples of this tendency.
Just take our recent history to begin with. In the early '90s we found found ourselves on the brink of civil war many a time but we always turned away from it at the last minute ... we decided to take HIV/Aids seriously at the last minute (some would say way beyond the last minute) Julius Malema got disciplined by his party at the last minute ... some would say way beyond ... the government started to focus on our looming electricity crisis at the last minute ... some would say ... most World Cup preparations will only start functioning at the last minute ... and some way beyond the last minute .... but you get the drift.
So I am convinced that by the time most WC visitors arrive WC fever will be in full swing and everybody is going to have a great time.
Although I had thought that that I had done my bit when I flagged my sister's car, I can now clearly see that this is far below what is required ... so I buy two lighters ... ever-patriotic, one with the SA flag on and another with a soccer ball motif.
I also launch an awareness campaign about the flags, asking all and sundry where their damn flags are.
To test the efficacy of my campaign I ask Charles Moore and his son Kieran to help me spot flags on the way to Kieran's school and further on our way to work.
They jump to the task at hand with diligence and here are the first results:
Yesterday we counted 24 flags up to Kieran's school and a further 40 to Randburg for a total of 64. That is our baseline then.
I counted a further 16 on during the day but that will not be part of the official statistics ... Ok I like counting stuff so what?!
I like to keep stuff scientific, so the only numbers that will count here is that of the early morning trip between Melville and Randburg with a slight detour to Parkview to drop off Kieran.
I only do this trip on Wednesdays and Thursdays so I will give you a weekly update on Thursdays.
But the early results are heartening. This morning we counted 26 to Kieran's school and a further 49 to Randburg for a grand total of 75 ... My efforts are clearly paying off.
A further bracing sign that World Cup fever is taking hold of South Africa is that my friends spontaneously started talking about it on Tuesday evening.
The talk began about who we think is going to win ... Germany got a couple of votes ... to who are our favourite 'second' teams. Jan likes Holland, Vince likes Germany, I like France, Carol likes ... I can't remember and John does not express himself ... as is often the case with John.
Then the conversation inevitably turns to the chances of Bafana Bafana. Carol says that she's sure they'll surprise us by reaching the second round. I secretly hope that she's right but my brain tells me otherwise. Jan says he'll bet her R1000 that they would not.
In fact, he says, he won't even bet her that ... he will GIVE her R1000 if they reach the second round and Vince pitches in that he would GIVE her a R100 for every goal they score ... he stipulates in the contract that this offer excluded own-goals.
So yes all things considered it would seem that my efforts to make the World Cup a success are on the right track and I'll keep you posted about my progress.
But do not expect too much too soon. I pointed out to Gabrielli that we South Africans of all colours tend to be 'last minute people'. Our history is full of telling examples of this tendency.
Just take our recent history to begin with. In the early '90s we found found ourselves on the brink of civil war many a time but we always turned away from it at the last minute ... we decided to take HIV/Aids seriously at the last minute (some would say way beyond the last minute) Julius Malema got disciplined by his party at the last minute ... some would say way beyond ... the government started to focus on our looming electricity crisis at the last minute ... some would say ... most World Cup preparations will only start functioning at the last minute ... and some way beyond the last minute .... but you get the drift.
So I am convinced that by the time most WC visitors arrive WC fever will be in full swing and everybody is going to have a great time.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Germany rejects my use of the word 'darkies' and race relations in South Africa
I share my office with three darkies. They are Ntoks, the darkie female anchor of the show, Fortune, I don't know exactly what Fortune does, but he is the only darkie follower of my blog and he laughs a lot so I quite like him ... and then there's the Erudite Mister Zee.
They are all much younger than me and probably earn much more money than I do. (There is a reason I mention this.)
Mr Zee is the marketing manager of 50/50, the environmental show that I work for. He wants to be called only Zee but screw him ... he is a Mister.
The reason for this is that it was him who helped me through my ordeal of the first two weeks in my new job.
I once told him in that time: "Zee if you cheat on your wife ... just tell her that you have a helpless Boer in your office and he is taking up all your time with ... well requests for this ... HELP! And Mr Zee saw my pain and helped.
So after Gabrielli complained about my usage of the word 'darkies' I felt that I needed to consult them before writing this.
You must remember that I worked for a blue-collar working class newspaper, Daily Sun, where the word darkie was common currency as in: "Hey Temba is this a darkie word?" Meaning will darkies understand it ...? That is how we speak here.
You must also remember that English is the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 6th, 7th, 9th, or 13th language for most people here.
So I poll my three darkie office companions about Gabrielli's complaint.
Ntoks says no it's not offensive.
Fortune says no it's not offensive.
The Erudite Mr Zee is on the phone, so I wait for him to be done before I publish the result of the poll.
Finally, I get Mr Zee's erudite attention about the question in question and he explains to me thus (and I paraphrase): "I don't find it offensive in itself ... that's how we speak here. But you must remember where the Germans are coming from ... you know the holocaust and so on ... but their collective feelings of guilt is for a past sin that was committed by their forebears with very few of the victims still in evidence. Germany has apologised and that was good.
"But here in South Africa the former oppressed and the former oppressor are dealing with each other on a daily basis... in your face ... and we must just get on with it."
Mr Zee also pointed out to me that it would have been offensive if I wrote about 'white people' and then 'darkies', but since I talked about whiteys and darkies in the same sentence ... it is how we speak here.
Meanwhile I trained Madelein to do my job because they need a back-up for me because the program (computer programs are spelled like that ... even in non-American) that we work on is full of snags and i don't want anybody to go through the same ordeal ... being dumped into a very deep pool of not knowing anything. The worst fate possible with tight deadlines.
Madi is full of nervous energy and she has not had a structured job for a long time ... she calls Zee... Doctor Zee ... you see ... race relations in South Africa ... they are really relations ... not issues.
And then again I spotted 34 flags on cars today ... I do not count those covers on the rearview mirrors of cars ... just flying the flag and more and more people are flying the flags of their 'other team' because the consensus is that our team ain't gonna makew it past the first round.
They are all much younger than me and probably earn much more money than I do. (There is a reason I mention this.)
Mr Zee is the marketing manager of 50/50, the environmental show that I work for. He wants to be called only Zee but screw him ... he is a Mister.
The reason for this is that it was him who helped me through my ordeal of the first two weeks in my new job.
I once told him in that time: "Zee if you cheat on your wife ... just tell her that you have a helpless Boer in your office and he is taking up all your time with ... well requests for this ... HELP! And Mr Zee saw my pain and helped.
So after Gabrielli complained about my usage of the word 'darkies' I felt that I needed to consult them before writing this.
You must remember that I worked for a blue-collar working class newspaper, Daily Sun, where the word darkie was common currency as in: "Hey Temba is this a darkie word?" Meaning will darkies understand it ...? That is how we speak here.
You must also remember that English is the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 6th, 7th, 9th, or 13th language for most people here.
So I poll my three darkie office companions about Gabrielli's complaint.
Ntoks says no it's not offensive.
Fortune says no it's not offensive.
The Erudite Mr Zee is on the phone, so I wait for him to be done before I publish the result of the poll.
Finally, I get Mr Zee's erudite attention about the question in question and he explains to me thus (and I paraphrase): "I don't find it offensive in itself ... that's how we speak here. But you must remember where the Germans are coming from ... you know the holocaust and so on ... but their collective feelings of guilt is for a past sin that was committed by their forebears with very few of the victims still in evidence. Germany has apologised and that was good.
"But here in South Africa the former oppressed and the former oppressor are dealing with each other on a daily basis... in your face ... and we must just get on with it."
Mr Zee also pointed out to me that it would have been offensive if I wrote about 'white people' and then 'darkies', but since I talked about whiteys and darkies in the same sentence ... it is how we speak here.
Meanwhile I trained Madelein to do my job because they need a back-up for me because the program (computer programs are spelled like that ... even in non-American) that we work on is full of snags and i don't want anybody to go through the same ordeal ... being dumped into a very deep pool of not knowing anything. The worst fate possible with tight deadlines.
Madi is full of nervous energy and she has not had a structured job for a long time ... she calls Zee... Doctor Zee ... you see ... race relations in South Africa ... they are really relations ... not issues.
And then again I spotted 34 flags on cars today ... I do not count those covers on the rearview mirrors of cars ... just flying the flag and more and more people are flying the flags of their 'other team' because the consensus is that our team ain't gonna makew it past the first round.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Reflections on race and the World Cup in a bar in Randburg
I am waiting for my boss Charles Moore to give me a lift home from the offices in Randburg. Earlier the day when I went to get some Chinese take-aways I bumped into my old friend Roman .... he is really old (69) and an old friend too.
Roman is a German and a chef and in his most recent incarnation the front-of-house manager at a sportsbar called Paddy's in Randburg.
Meanwhile Gabrielli ... my other German 'friend' asked me to write something about the upcoming Soccer World Cup in South Africa.
The seminal event is scheduled to begin in exactly 33 days from today and I must admit that I have not reflected too much about it ... mainly because I think it will be a cheerful shambles at best and a total disaster at worst. Let's hope for the best. My money is on a cheerful shambles.
With all these elements neatly in place, I tell Charles that I will wait for him in Paddy's in order to study the local fauna in their natural habitat because ... Randburg is not Melville.
Being of a scientific bent I count all the patrons in view (some people call this counting business of mine a disorder ... screw them).
There are 48 after-work drinkers in view at Paddy's at the time I begin my survey at 5:25pm.
They are ... 25 whitey males ... 8 whitey females ... 2 coloured girls ... 2 darkie chicks ... 5 darkie guys and 6 coloured guys ... This is not Melville.
To begin with there would be more darkies, coloureds and women in any bar in Melville, but the ambiance is also different.
There is an urgency in the air that I suspect stems from the fact that all the patrons look as if they are in sales of some sort. They talk rapidly and somewhat too loudly (their laughter is the same) as if they are sniffing a deal.
I also notice that all the waiters, who are all darkies, also wear the Bafana shirts ... under some warmer tops. They have good sense because it is cold.
By the way most waiters in South Africa are darkies and since they only get something like 3,5% of their turnover as commission, tipping is essential here ... the going rate is 10-15% and it's rude not to do it.
This is not Melville because the waiters are attentive. My friend Jan once remarked that 95% of people would become uncomfortable if one would stare at them long and hard and the other 5% become waiters in Melville.
But I digress ... There is a campaign on to get World Cup fever going. It consists of 'Flagging the World Cup" meaning that you have to fly the South African flag. I duly buy a SA flag for my sister Emily's car ... car pointing out to her that it was not only the duty of darkies to be patriotic. I also intend to by her a French flag since we are both francophiles.
While on the subject of my sister Emily ... oh no ... it is actually the World Cup, I decide some more research is needed and I take Emily for lunch at Sakura ... a Japanese sushi and teppenyaki restaurant in 7th Street Melville. They do a decent if not spectacular sushi and teppenyaki and I'm quite fond of the latter.
Emily orders herself a French soccer jersey from a street vendor called Amen ... and I pay a R50 deposit for him to also bring me a French flag for her car. She is dubious about just giving Amen the money and i tell her not to worry.
Although I do not know Amen, he knows me. All the street vendors know me because I banned them from pushing their wares into my customers' faces when I managed the gay bar ... and enforced this policy .... quite vigourously. Amen took her number and has just phoned to say that the merchandise is ready for collection.
The reason for this outing is to count the number of flags on cars as a means to measure WC fever ... In the parking lot in front of Paddy's in Randburg I counted ... zero on about 300 cars ... I did not count the cars ... OK I just counted one row and multiplied it by three ... so do not say anything about disorders.
Melville is not Randburg but I'm disappointed to count only about 17 in all. But this is early days so I'll keep you posted about the number of flags I coun... see.
Everybody is trying to make a quick buck out of the WC ... my maid Zita wants to be a hooker and her boyfriend Martin is in on the deal as pimp. Some other people are planning to rent out their houses and live in their garden sheds ... I just hope more people read and follow my blog. It is a work in progress.
The latest news is that 'they' are now stealing the flags off the cars ... no doubt to re-sell as shop-soiled wares. Nobody knows who 'they' are. I know but I won't tell. It is especially the rear-view mirror flag covers that are being targetted. So be aware.
I will also keep you posted on World Cup fever but for now I'm off to watch rugby ... My team the Cheetahs are playing against some other also-ran team but the Cheetahs have been hitting some good form lately and my hope is that they will improve their standing from 13th on the log to say ... 12th. One can only hope.
By the way welcome to Braam van Straaten an lemartle ... or something like that ... one day you will proudly tell your grandchildren that you were some of the first to join this world famous blog.
Roman is a German and a chef and in his most recent incarnation the front-of-house manager at a sportsbar called Paddy's in Randburg.
Meanwhile Gabrielli ... my other German 'friend' asked me to write something about the upcoming Soccer World Cup in South Africa.
The seminal event is scheduled to begin in exactly 33 days from today and I must admit that I have not reflected too much about it ... mainly because I think it will be a cheerful shambles at best and a total disaster at worst. Let's hope for the best. My money is on a cheerful shambles.
With all these elements neatly in place, I tell Charles that I will wait for him in Paddy's in order to study the local fauna in their natural habitat because ... Randburg is not Melville.
Being of a scientific bent I count all the patrons in view (some people call this counting business of mine a disorder ... screw them).
There are 48 after-work drinkers in view at Paddy's at the time I begin my survey at 5:25pm.
They are ... 25 whitey males ... 8 whitey females ... 2 coloured girls ... 2 darkie chicks ... 5 darkie guys and 6 coloured guys ... This is not Melville.
To begin with there would be more darkies, coloureds and women in any bar in Melville, but the ambiance is also different.
There is an urgency in the air that I suspect stems from the fact that all the patrons look as if they are in sales of some sort. They talk rapidly and somewhat too loudly (their laughter is the same) as if they are sniffing a deal.
They are mostly between 20 and 35 in age and the guys are all in shirt-sleeves or T-shirts despite the fact that I find the autumn evening quite chilly ... but these are clearly hot-blooded guys ... I wonder why they they are sitting mostly with other guys ...
But I am here to reflect about the upcoming World Cup, as well, so I turn my attention to that... I count three guys wearing the Bafana Bafana (the nickname for our national football team ... meaning: "The boys, the boys") shirts. Of these two are whiteys and one a coloured.I also notice that all the waiters, who are all darkies, also wear the Bafana shirts ... under some warmer tops. They have good sense because it is cold.
By the way most waiters in South Africa are darkies and since they only get something like 3,5% of their turnover as commission, tipping is essential here ... the going rate is 10-15% and it's rude not to do it.
This is not Melville because the waiters are attentive. My friend Jan once remarked that 95% of people would become uncomfortable if one would stare at them long and hard and the other 5% become waiters in Melville.
But I digress ... There is a campaign on to get World Cup fever going. It consists of 'Flagging the World Cup" meaning that you have to fly the South African flag. I duly buy a SA flag for my sister Emily's car ... car pointing out to her that it was not only the duty of darkies to be patriotic. I also intend to by her a French flag since we are both francophiles.
While on the subject of my sister Emily ... oh no ... it is actually the World Cup, I decide some more research is needed and I take Emily for lunch at Sakura ... a Japanese sushi and teppenyaki restaurant in 7th Street Melville. They do a decent if not spectacular sushi and teppenyaki and I'm quite fond of the latter.
Emily orders herself a French soccer jersey from a street vendor called Amen ... and I pay a R50 deposit for him to also bring me a French flag for her car. She is dubious about just giving Amen the money and i tell her not to worry.
Although I do not know Amen, he knows me. All the street vendors know me because I banned them from pushing their wares into my customers' faces when I managed the gay bar ... and enforced this policy .... quite vigourously. Amen took her number and has just phoned to say that the merchandise is ready for collection.
The reason for this outing is to count the number of flags on cars as a means to measure WC fever ... In the parking lot in front of Paddy's in Randburg I counted ... zero on about 300 cars ... I did not count the cars ... OK I just counted one row and multiplied it by three ... so do not say anything about disorders.
Melville is not Randburg but I'm disappointed to count only about 17 in all. But this is early days so I'll keep you posted about the number of flags I coun... see.
Everybody is trying to make a quick buck out of the WC ... my maid Zita wants to be a hooker and her boyfriend Martin is in on the deal as pimp. Some other people are planning to rent out their houses and live in their garden sheds ... I just hope more people read and follow my blog. It is a work in progress.
The latest news is that 'they' are now stealing the flags off the cars ... no doubt to re-sell as shop-soiled wares. Nobody knows who 'they' are. I know but I won't tell. It is especially the rear-view mirror flag covers that are being targetted. So be aware.
I will also keep you posted on World Cup fever but for now I'm off to watch rugby ... My team the Cheetahs are playing against some other also-ran team but the Cheetahs have been hitting some good form lately and my hope is that they will improve their standing from 13th on the log to say ... 12th. One can only hope.
By the way welcome to Braam van Straaten an lemartle ... or something like that ... one day you will proudly tell your grandchildren that you were some of the first to join this world famous blog.
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